You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
