I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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