it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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