Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
