Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
