just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
