if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
