Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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