I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
