It's like God shit irony all over that family
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
