Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
