It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
