i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
