HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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