i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
