and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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