Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
