Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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