Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
