when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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