You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
