At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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