I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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