You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
