Do you still have your period?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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