rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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