Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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