put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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