Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
