he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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