I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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