he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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