my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ttyl tear gas
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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