I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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