You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
