I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
