Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
