It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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