My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
