The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We talked him into tasing himself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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