But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
