At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I AM VODKA MAN
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
