I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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