i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
