The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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