He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
