don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
