i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
