my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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