Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
