I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize