Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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