ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
