If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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