I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize