I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
