I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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