Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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