That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
