so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
