Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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