We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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