You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
