Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't turn off my feet"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
