he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I believe in your delicious
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
