tell your sister to shave her snatch
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
