Im at strip club and am horny
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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