The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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