your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
