i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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